Today Will Be Better

Day two, and I now feel like a freight train, with an abundance of extra cars filled with the heaviest shit possible, has ran me over, then reversed, than ran me over again. So much for today being better. And my abdomen is very swollen. Almost 9 months pregnant swollen. It hurts to cough, laugh, move, sit, lie down, I try to pull myself to sit up....nope! How in the hell does this bed work? I keep pressing the wrong damn buttons. I'll just leave it as it is. The daytime nurse has come in, and taken stats, blood work, can I get some water please? I'm down to a very, very, low (child dose) of morphine and some extra strength Tylenol.

Breakfast comes, its a luke warm black coffee, sugar packet, and an apple juice. GROSS! I ask to be moved to the eighth floor. Lunch comes, same thing. Dinner comes, luke warm black tea with a milk and a cranberry juice. No food. The whole reason we picked St Mikes over Toronto General was because there were lots of food options around. Well, not during covid. Boo!

I am not being moved today, maybe tomorrow. It's around 8pm, Todd and mom are on their way, or so I thought. Its Friday and the team of surgeons are back, they are saying as long as I can walk tomorrow they will send me home. What? I feel like absolute shit, I'm still on liquids, and I have a catheter in still. I'm so worried, how can this be? I also haven't ate a thing or even walked more than a few feet. He tells my assistant to get me up and walk. Well this is frigin fun. Walking with a catheter sucks. I walk about 20 feet and need to go back. My blood pressure is dropping.

Todd and mom call, they have hit a snag. My exhaust has blown on the 401, they will see us tomorrow. So much for a reliable SUV with 120k on it. No warning, no rattling, just a complete blow out.

Saturday rolls around, I haven't really slept. I feel like I've been here for months. They have changed my pain meds again. I call to talk to my dad. He's worried about me, I'm worried about him. Being separated is almost unbearable, especially with extra covid regulations. I know now more than ever that patients of all ages, whatever the reason they are in the hospital NEED their family. Not only for their physical health and well-being, but more importantly their MENTAL well-being.

As the team rolls in, it's mid Saturday and I feel the worst I have ever felt. I have walked around the nursing station but now I'm exhausted. The team is ready to discharge me as soon as the catheter is out and second blood tests of the day remain steady. What? I protest. Firstly, I was told I was moving to the eighth floor, my dad has been talking to his team. They don't think I should be released. There is no way I feel ready to go home. And they have changed my meds again. I believe this is the fourth or fifth time. I call my mom in a panic. They are on their way.

My mom and Todd arrive, remember, covid. So wellness checks and only the emergency person listed on our admission forms are allowed into the hospital. Todd is no longer listed as my emergency contact.....nobody is? What the hell. They call up to my nursing station, thank god my favorite floor assistant is there and clears him to come up. In the meantime my surgeon has called, he says if I'm not ready to go, he will check on me tomorrow and we can see where I'm at then. I'm so relieved. Todd makes his way up and brings me a REAL tea, thank god!

The last few days have been intense. More than I could have ever imagined or prepared myself for. As I rack my brain going through all the literature, websites, and seminars I sat through, nowhere is it REAL. So here is a list of things I would like potential donors/recipients to know:

* It is going to hurt like hell!!!!! Like having a C-section laterally through your left abdominal muscles on a diagonal.

* You will not need to bring any clothes, robe, shampoo, book, cards, crosswords - bring socks and that's pretty much it. Wear a zip up sweater and trackpants to the hospital and wear those home with the easiest slip on shoes you own (slippers are even better).

* Underwear will not be worn for weeks. Let me tell you, I purchased "surgery", high waisted, no elastic, thick banded, high waisted underwear and guess what? Nope, nope, nope. Commando for weeks is 100% acceptable. If you can get away with not wearing a bra, that can go too if you have laparoscopy (which they say are very small, they aren't that small).

* Listen to your own body, advocate for yourself, you are not a statistic.

Tomorrow will be better!