It's Been A Minute

In January I promised myself I would catch up on my writing as my new years resolution. Once a week I would sit down and make it a priority. I started out doing just that, but I clearly did not continue. Why did I stop? I could make a thousand excuses, there are many. But to be honest, I was hesitant to continue writing about the ups and downs, because I wasn't sure there was any more "ups" in the future. My fear was "what if this was the end"? What if we have hit a huge roadblock? What would people think? Well - who gives a shit right? This is about my dad and I and our journey, wherever that ends.

So, if you have forgot where we ended, go back and re-read my last blog. I had just done my initial set of in depth testing. Its mid-September and we are waiting for the test results. There is alot weighing on these tests:

- do I have antibodies that my dad doesn't? This means he could potentially not be able to fight off various viruses.

- does he have antibodies that I do not? Again - my organ would potentially be an "alien" to him and he would start to fight it.

- have I come in contact or carry with a virus that could potentially make him very ill or would have him take extra anti-rejection drugs the rest of his life?

- do I have any underlying illnesses that are not currently known?

- there were so many "extra's" that could potentially get in the way, thus making us incompatible for crossmatching.

The wait seemed to take forever. However, at the end of September we got great news. I am a DIRECT compatible match for kidney donation to my father and all "other" tests were normal. I never knew how tense I was for those few weeks because the relief I felt was like no other. This confirmation came with more testing. A few more routine urine collection samples, blood work, ultrasound, and a few weekly blood pressure and weight check ins. I'm on it. Weekly urinalysis, blood tests, and the earliest ultrasound appointment I could make. I also book my own donor clinic appointment. It's booked for November. Clearly the chance of surgery taking place sooner rather than later is becoming quite challenging. In the meantime, my dad isn't feeling so great lately.

I get a call just before thanksgiving with some not great news. There are some issues not only with my blood work but my ultrasound as well:

- lesions on my liver

- endometriosis

- uterine fibroids

- ovarian cysts

- high white blood count

- persistent hematuria from somewhere

I was devistated. How could this be? I feel the best I have in a long time. I cannot share this with my mom or dad, they have enough to worry about. Until I get further answers, they will be on a need to know basis only. Next steps are, CAT scan, more blood and urnialysis tests. My need to know of the good, the bad and the ugly of all my "negative" tests kick in. I endlessly search the internet. Most of the issues I'm having are common, but they could prevent me from being a donor.

All I could think of was any future unfavorable tests were going to delay dad's transplant further. I couldn't even bare to think of anything worse.

What are my next steps?

✔ CAT scan booked

✔ More lab work to do

✔ Another ultrasound booked

✔ Appointment booked to meet with my team at St.Mikes again